Visualising Maximum Kissing?
by FindingRainbows
Summary: '"Oh, he was caught trying to kiss another man's wife," John said, smirking as Sherlock fixed him with a frustrated expression. Lestrade choked on his coffee.' Just something a little silly really...


Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, Alice and Dave are.

_**A/N This is just a silly bit of something...as always I hope you enjoy. **_

"That's it. You're doing well. Now try and focus on the numbers. Can you..."

"What the hell do you think...get your hands off her!" Before Sherlock could respond, he felt a strong hand pulling him backwards and then another connected hard with the side of his face. He stumbled but just managed to stay on his feet.

"Dave! Stop!" Alice grabbed at her husband before he did anything else he'd later regret.

"What the hell is going on?" John shouted as he came jogging out of the shop door. He put himself between Dave and Sherlock.

Dave pointed at Sherlock accusingly, "He had his hands on my wife!"

"He what?" John said, in disbelief.

"Dave, it wasn't like that. He was visualising my maximum memory."

"Maximising your visual memory," Sherlock mumbled as he pressed his face to gently assess the damage. John smacked his hand away and took over.

"Well, it looked like you were kissing!" Dave said; his confidence now slightly wavering.

"Kissing?" Sherlock rolled his eyes, "Why would I want to do that?" John nearly cringed in anticipation of what would come next; Alice suddenly looked very offended.

"Excuse me? What the hell is that meant to mean?" she snapped, unimpressed.

"Well.." Sherlock started.

"Nothing. It means nothing," John cut in before Sherlock earned himself another smack.

Alice watched as John carefully touched the bruise that was now forming on Sherlock's cheek, "Oh, oh, sorry...are you two..."

Sherlock frowned but John realised what she meant, "No, no, we're not...I'm not gay and he's...he's...you know what it doesn't matter."

"It matters if he was trying to kiss my wife." Dave said, firm and impatient; he felt cheated out of a proper explanation and his hand was beginning to hurt.

"Oh, bloody hell, Dave. I told you, he was maximising my memories visuals."

Sherlock exhaled in annoyance. "Maximising your visual memory," he corrected.

"What the hell is supposed to mean?" Dave asked.

Alice sighed, "He's some kind of detective. I saw a car speed past and he needed me to remember as much about it as I could."

"So...he visualised your memory?"

John fought back a laugh as Sherlock's shoulders tensed in irritation, "Maximised her visual memory," he growled, "It helps focus the mind so you can obtain more than the 62% that is usually recalled."

"Oh," Dave said. He scratched his head and looked between his wife and the two men. The explanation he now had was confusing but he suddenly felt very foolish for his earlier actions. "Did it work?"

"I got half way through the reg plate and then you..." Alice waved her arm towards Sherlock.

"It really looked like he was going to kiss you," Dave said, somewhat lamely.

"Oh Dave," Alice shook her head and she took hold of his arm, "I'd never do that to you."

"Good," Dave smiled at her and then kissed her on the cheek.

"I guess... what you did... was rather sweet," Alice told him.

"Sweet?" Sherlock exclaimed, "He hit me!"

Dave turned to look at the detective, "Yeah, sorry about that mate."

Sherlock glared at him and Dave seemed to remember something, "Wait, you're a detective? You won't...I'm not in...I mean I don't usually..." he stuttered out nervously.

John snorted lightly, "Don't worry. He's not about to arrest you, if that's what you think."

Dave smiled but he clearly wasn't convinced; he looked like he wanted to be as far away from Sherlock as possible. John shook his head; how quickly his friend became a feared person. After all he was technically the victim just moments before.

"Right, we best get going," John told Sherlock.

"Hmm, we can take the information I have collected to Lestrade," he said before nodding curtly at Alice, "Thank you for your assistance." He began to walk briskly down the street without even so much a parting glance at Dave.

"I really am sorry," Dave stated sincerely.

"I know," John said as he zipped up his coat and began to follow Sherlock. He smiled as he heard Alice behind him;

"Well, he was an odd one..."

...

Lestrade looked up from his desk as Sherlock strode straight into his office followed closely by John.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asked Sherlock, gesturing to the bruise and then taking a sip of coffee.

"Oh, he was caught trying to kiss another man's wife," John said, smirking as Sherlock fixed him with a frustrated expression. Lestrade choked on his coffee.

"Ok, ok," Lestrade said through coughs, "He was what?"

"He was accused of trying to kiss another man's wife," John repeated.

"What... Sherlock?" Lestrade said, in disbelief.

"What is wrong with everyone today?" Sherlock mumbled as he plonked himself down in a chair.

John smiled, "Of course, he was just memorising her maximum visuals."

Sherlock groaned, "Not funny, John."

"Sorry, Sherlock, I'll stop now," John said, fighting back a giggle.

"Good," Sherlock said as he brought a hand up to his face. He winced as he prodded his cheek.

John sighed, "Well, it will hurt if you keep doing that."

"It's annoying. My cheek feels big."

"It doesn't look big."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure."

Sherlock huffed, "I bet it is big."

"Fine. It's bloody massive. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Er...If I could interrupt? We do have a crime to solve." Lestrade cut in loudly. He kept a serious exterior but inside he was laughing at the way Sherlock and John both turned to look at him and then began fidgeting under his stare like two naughty school boys.

"Sorry," John offered.

"Sorry," Sherlock said quietly.

"Ok..." Lestrade said, before he smirked, "Now then, John, you were saying that Sherlock was found kissing another man's wife?"

Sherlock rolled his eyes and John snorted before he filled Lestrade in with the details.

...


End file.
